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Do you find yourself having difficulty getting to sleep or spending the night tossing and turning and watching the clock? If so, you are not alone, many people go though periods where they worry about getting enough sleep. According to the National Institutes of Health, close to 20% of Americans suffer from some kind of […]
Do you find yourself having difficulty getting to sleep or spending the night tossing and turning and watching the clock? If so, you are not alone, many people go though periods where they worry about getting enough sleep. According to the National Institutes of Health, close to 20% of Americans suffer from some kind of sleep disorder that causes them distress. That’s a lot of people walking around feeling tired and not at their best and worry about getting enough sleep can actually make the problem worse!
Symptoms of Insomnia
People who are experiencing insomnia have difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or getting back to sleep with early waking. These sleep disturbances cause stress and anxiety, and make daily activities like work more challenging, by interfering with cognitive processes like memory and logical thinking. Insomnia often also causes irritability and fatigue and when it is persistent it may be a contributing factor of depression.
Causes of Insomnia
Insomnia is a complex condition that may have several situational and individual factors that researchers are still trying to wrap their heads around. The good news is that we do know that there are certain conditions that make people more prone to insomnia and there are treatments that can really help!
Remember these are factors that are correlated with a greater likelihood of insomnia, not that you are stuck with it.
Treatment of Insomnia
It is important to rule out a medical cause, like sleep apnea or Restless leg syndrome, if you have risk factors. These conditions can be assessed and treated effectively by your physician.
For non-medical causes or for insomnia that is persisting even after the medical condition has been treated, CBT-I (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia) can be a very effective intervention. CBT-I targets the thoughts and behaviors that are disrupting and maintaining your inefficient sleep pattern. This therapeutic strategy encourages good sleep habits while relieving anxiety, through teaching you what is happening and how you can change the patterns.
Mindfulness exercises can also be a helpful adjunct to help you learn to calm your mind and body to prepare for good quality sleep.
It is important to work with a qualified therapist who can help you determine the specific causes of your sleep issues and is trained in interventions that are proven to be effective. If you or someone you care about are suffering from insomnia, please feel free to contact me for a free consultation. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help you get the rest you need.
Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression
Struggling to fall asleep or stay asleep? You’re not alone, millions of Americans struggle with insomnia, the chronic inability to get sufficient sleep. In fact, more than a third of Americans aren’t getting enough sleep on a daily basis, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2014 study. Lack of sufficient sleep is […]
Struggling to fall asleep or stay asleep? You’re not alone, millions of Americans struggle with insomnia, the chronic inability to get sufficient sleep. In fact, more than a third of Americans aren’t getting enough sleep on a daily basis, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2014 study.
Lack of sufficient sleep is associated with many serious medical conditions including obesity, high blood pressure and heart disease. Getting a decent amount of sleep on a regular basis is essential for a long and healthy life. Here are five things you can do to change your routine and feel rested by getting to sleep quickly and staying asleep.
1. Save the Bed for Just Two Things
Make sure that your bed is used only for two things: sex and sleep. This will create a strong bed-sleep association by using your bed almost exclusively for sleep. So when you tuck in at night, your brain and body will pair your bed with rest and relaxation, making it easier to fall asleep.
2. Exercise Regularly
Getting regular exercise (ideally at least thirty minutes a day, five days a week) will help you promote healthy sleep habits. Make sure to exercise earlier in the day or at least 3 hours before bed to allow your system to cool off and settle down after. Regular exercise can also help reduce anxiety and stabilize mood which also supports healthy sleep.
3. Naps, Caffeine, & Alcohol
Naps are helpful for some, but for others it impacts their ability to fall asleep. If you’re struggling with insomnia, keep naps short (less than 45 minutes) and only if needed.
Caffeine, a known stimulant, may keep you up longer than you’re aware. Start with no caffeine after 2pm and move earlier if you are still having difficulty. Some people need to avoid caffeine entirely if they are very sensitive as it can prevent falling asleep.
Alcohol can also disrupt your sleep even though it is a sedative. While you may get to sleep better initially, it can cause you to have trouble staying asleep or getting good sleep quality, so avoid alcohol within a few hours of bedtime.
4. No Screens Before Bedtime
Screen time, such as computers, tablets, and smart phones, can prevent you from falling asleep due to the light tricking your brain into thinking it is still daytime. This delays your melatonin production, which is the chemical our bodies produce to tell our brain that it is time for sleep. Help your body get ready for sleep by eliminating screen time at least two hours before bed.
5. Create a Nighttime Routine
Creating a regular nighttime routine will help your body get into the habit of winding down and relaxing as it prepares for sleep. Create a nighttime routine an hour or two before bed. For instance, brush your teeth, change into your pajamas, and settle in to read a book every night before bed. At least while you are establishing your healthy sleep routine, make sure you go to bed and get up around the same time every day, including weekends.
Changing old habits and establishing a new routine can be difficult, but well worth it for a good nights sleep on a regular basis. These healthy habits will help you get the rest you need.
Are you still struggling with insomnia and need help establishing and maintaining healthy sleep habits? Feel free to call me today to set up a free consultation. I can help you figure out what is getting in the way of you getting a good nights sleep and help you establish a healthy sleep pattern.
Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression
As beautiful and joyous as life can be, it can also be plain ol’ stressful. Whether it’s hefty mortgage payments, killer commutes, or bosses who don’t give us the credit we deserve, stress can come at us from all different angles. Surveys have uncovered some pretty disturbing statistics about stress. 33% of people feel they […]
As beautiful and joyous as life can be, it can also be plain ol’ stressful. Whether it’s hefty mortgage payments, killer commutes, or bosses who don’t give us the credit we deserve, stress can come at us from all different angles.
Surveys have uncovered some pretty disturbing statistics about stress. 33% of people feel they live with extreme stress, while 48% believe the stress in their lives has increased over the past five years. And a whopping 77% of people surveyed said they experience physical symptoms caused by stress.
What are some of these physical symptoms linked to chronic stress?
• Pain of any kind
• Sleep problems
• Autoimmune diseases
• Digestive problems
• Skin conditions, such as eczema
• Heart disease
• Weight problems
• Reproductive issues
• Thinking and memory issues
How Meditation Can Help
There is now scientific evidence that meditation is effective against physical symptoms of stress such as IBS, high blood pressure, and ulcerative colitis. Meditation has been linked with improved immune response, reduction in pain sensitivity, and a shift from negativity to positivity.
Further, research has shown that meditation may physically alter the brain and how we are able to cope with chronic stress.
But what exactly is meditation? When many people hear that word, they have instant visions of people sitting in lotus position chanting, “Ohmmm.”
Mindful meditation is simply the practice of harnessing our attention to quiet our chattering minds. Instead of letting our brains run rampant like energetic puppies, sniffing one thought after another and another and another, mindfulness focuses our attention in the now.
The problem is because mediation is so deceptively simple, many people either feel it can’t possibly work in general, or they won’t benefit from it. And because we live in a society that seems to promote instant gratification, other people expect that after their first 20 minutes of meditating, all of their problems will magically dissolve.
But meditation is called a “practice” for a reason. Like anything else that is beneficial to your mind and body (sound nutrition and exercise), it takes commitment to reap those benefits.
Tips for Beginner Meditator
If you are interested in trying meditation for yourself, here are a few key tips:
• Get comfortable – you don’t have to sit in the lotus pose. You can sit in a comfy chair or even lie down. The trick is to be comfortable enough that your body sensations don’t distract you, but not so comfortable that you fall asleep.
• Don’t try and control your breath, just breathe naturally, simply staying aware of your breath.
• Start with just a few minutes and build from there.
• Don’t try to be perfect. There is no perfection in life or meditation, so just keep practicing every day.
If you find after you’ve been meditating for a little while that you could use some extra help dealing with the stress in your life, get in touch with me. I’d be happy to explore treatment options with you and talk about how I may be able to help.
Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, Mindfulness
How long has it been since you checked your Facebook, Twitter, or Intragram account? If you’re like most people, you probably use social media many times throughout the day and may even have notifications set up that prompt you to check even more often. While social media can be fun, studies have suggested that it […]
How long has it been since you checked your Facebook, Twitter, or Intragram account? If you’re like most people, you probably use social media many times throughout the day and may even have notifications set up that prompt you to check even more often.
While social media can be fun, studies have suggested that it can take a toll on our emotions. One such study by researchers at the University of Missouri focused on the effects of Facebook on mental health. They discovered that regular use could lead to symptoms of depression if the site triggered feelings of envy in the user. A co-author of the research, Professor Margaret Duffy, noted concern about social media from the findings, “If it is used as a way to size up one’s own accomplishments against others, it can have a negative effect.”
Other studies have revealed that most people tend to edit photos and only show the ones that make their lives seem more attractive to others. That makes sense, who would post the worst pictures of themselves? However, we often forget this when we are comparing ourselves to our “Facebook friends.” It is this constant measuring of ourselves against others that causes the grief and suffering. It is the not feeling as “good, smart, pretty, wealthy, or funny” as others through comparison.
If you are wondering whether maybe your happiness has taken a hit from social media use, here are 3 signs it has:
1. You Need Positive Feedback to Feel Good
We all love feeling appreciated and valued. It feels great when a friend tells you that you look good or gives you positive feedback when you share something about your life. However, if you feel that you need to get “likes” on your pictures and posts, and only have good days based on getting that positive feedback online, you are too dependent on social media.
2. You’re an Instant Gratification Addict
With such easy and constant access to technology, we have become a society of people who seek out instant gratification. While it’s okay to sometimes want fast food and instant movie streaming, having a need to instantly feel worthy and good through social media is very harmful.
If the promise of instant gratification is driving your desire to post or share bits of your life, you may have become too dependent on social media.
3. You’re Reliving the Popularity Contests All Over Again
Adults can be just as susceptible to getting caught up in caring about how many “Facebook friends” and “likes” they get as teenagers. Anyone can struggle with putting down their phone to eat dinner or go to bed. Social media has created the opportunity to feel that we are constantly reliving the high school popularity contests. At the end of the day, are all of those “Facebook friends” really your friends?
True happiness is having authentic connections with the loved ones in your life. If you’re paying too much attention to how many online friends you have and not enough on whether or not your face-to-face relationships are healthy, you may have a problem. We all need connection, but think quality not quantity.
The next time you find yourself on your social media sites feeling jealous, envious, or somehow less than the people on those pages, remember that people tend to present very biased accounts of their lives. You “Facebook friends” are just as caught up in wanting to look good and feel that they measure up as you are. Struggling to feel worthy is something we all have in common, so see if you can take a step back to try to feel compassion for yourself and others as you watch this struggle play out on social media.
If you or someone you know is having a hard time with self-worth issues, therapy can be very helpful. I offer a free consultation session to discuss how I may be able to help.
Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, Self-Esteem
Adolescence can perhaps be best described as a time of physical, emotional, and social upheaval. Changes happen so rapidly in the teen years, that it can be difficult for the child or parent to keep up and know how to cope. Teenagers often become more detached from their family during this time. A adolescent’s peers […]
Adolescence can perhaps be best described as a time of physical, emotional, and social upheaval. Changes happen so rapidly in the teen years, that it can be difficult for the child or parent to keep up and know how to cope.
Teenagers often become more detached from their family during this time. A adolescent’s peers become their primary social connections, making parents become less important in their teenager’s eyes.
While this is a normal and healthy part of development, it is not an easy place from which to parent effectively. Parents must try to let their children grow and become more independent while still monitoring them for signs of distress that require support or intervention. It can be difficult to detect concerning instability, because some moodiness is normal during the teenage years.
Here are 5 signs that your teen may be suffering from a serious mood disruption, like depression, and asking for help.
1. Mood Swings
Thanks to the cocktail of hormones suddenly surging through a teenager’s body, it is quite normal for them to have mood swings. So how can you tell what’s normal and what is a sign of a problem that needs help? You have to trust your parental instincts here about when to intervene and when to let your child work it out. You know your child better than anyone and should be able to recognize any significant shift in mood. Particularly look for mood shifts that are severe and last more than a few days, especially if they seem to have no root cause or are a severe and persistent over-reaction.
2. A Change in Behavior
It is normal for a teenager to have a certain kinds of behavioral change. Normal changes include some challenging of authority and claiming of their independence. They may also experiment with different looks and interests. What’s not normal is for your child to suddenly start presenting as a different person to you. Not just trying on a new style, but changing core attitudes and beliefs. This can be a sign of depression or that your child is struggling in a major way and needs help.
3. Substance Abuse
A lot of teens experiment a bit with drugs and alcohol to some degree. However, red flags are if your teenager is chronically abusing substances and coming home drunk or high on a fairly regular basis. Dropping grades at school and giving up long-term activities, like sports or hobbies, are also warning signs. Talking to your child about drugs and alcohol in an open non-judgmental, but concerned way is a good approach. It is especially important to discuss your worry about chronic problems if your family has a history of substance abuse.
4. Self-Harm
Those teens who are experiencing significant emotional turmoil may choose to take their emotions out on themselves by cutting, hitting, or hurting themselves in some other manner. This is a sign that your child is overwhelmed and looking for desperate ways to manage their emotional pain. Teens can sometimes experiment with self-harm after a friend shares their experience, so noticing early and finding out if your child is really struggling or copying a behavior can be helpful in stopping this pattern before it gets established.
5. Talk of Suicide
While teenagers can definitely be prone to drama and overreacting to events, no parent should ever ignore talk of suicide. With teen suicide rates on the rise, particularly among girls, any mention or attempt should immediately result in professional help. A trained therapist, can assess your teenager’s comments and help you find the appropriate supports to keep your child safe while they learn how to manage their emotions.
If you or someone you know has a teenager who is showing one or more of these signs and would like to explore treatment options, please call to schedule a free consultation session. I would be happy to discuss how I might be able to help you support your teenager from a parenting perspective or work with them directly to learn healthy ways to manage their emotions.
Filed Under: Depression, Parenting, Teens/Children
Often the most challenging time to start a new activity is when you need it the most. When you are suffering with depression or anxiety, you might feel hopeless, worthless, irritable, and tired. You may have difficulty falling or staying asleep, and your disrupted sleep patterns will increase fatigue and negatively impact your already low […]
Often the most challenging time to start a new activity is when you need it the most. When you are suffering with depression or anxiety, you might feel hopeless, worthless, irritable, and tired. You may have difficulty falling or staying asleep, and your disrupted sleep patterns will increase fatigue and negatively impact your already low mood. Your depression or anxiety will have you believing that there’s no hope in sight, but help may be right outside your front door.
How Sports Can Help
When you’re feeling low and irritable, the last thing you want to do is to get out and move around or spend time with people, and yet, that might be the very thing to get you moving towards health. Participating in sports will not only help you get some much-needed sunlight, fresh air, and exercise, but you’ll meet new friends and have fun doing it.
Improved Mood
Exercise can be an effective treatment component for people with depression or anxiety. Along with the many physical health benefits provided by regular exercise, your mental health will also be supported. Regular exercise releases the body’s endorphins, which help to relieve pain while inducing feelings of pleasure or euphoria. Exercise also improves your mood by reducing the activity of the stress hormone cortisol, which, when in excess, can make you more susceptible to stress and impairs your brain’s ability to function properly.
Better Sleep
According to the National Sleep Foundation, just 2.5 hours of moderate to vigorous activity a week will cause you to have a deeper sleep. Better sleep will improve your mood during the day and cause you to feel more alert with increased concentration.
Social Interaction
Depression and anxiety can often cause you to withdraw from friends and family, isolating yourself. We all have a profound need to connect with others and feel a sense of belonging, even though we may feel like hiding. Making the effort to interact socially through a sports activity can help distract you from your worries while you have fun and make new friends.
How to Get Started
Think back to when you were a kid and the fun activities you used to do to find inspiration for sports you’d like to participate in as an adult. Check out activities like yoga, water aerobics or workout classes, or sign up for a neighborhood softball, basketball or flag football league. You can also look into dancing classes or dance groups. Check the sports category on Meetup.com to find a sport that’s fun and familiar, or new and unique. You can even make a post on your neighborhood app (like Nextdoor.com) to start a group of your own!
Get More Support When You Need It
While exercise is a great way to start moving and connecting, you may need support to get started or work on other aspects of your depression or anxiety issues and therapy can help. Feel free to contact me today to schedule a free consultation session.
Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression
As teens struggle through the tough transition period of childhood to adulthood, it can be difficult to know how to support them. Are the over the top emotions and behaviors your teen is exhibiting normal for this age or is it something more serious? According to the National Institute of Mental Health, in 2016 approximately […]
As teens struggle through the tough transition period of childhood to adulthood, it can be difficult to know how to support them. Are the over the top emotions and behaviors your teen is exhibiting normal for this age or is it something more serious?
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, in 2016 approximately 3.1 million adolescents between the ages of 12 to 17 experienced at least one episode of major depression. Depression is a serious mood disorder that, if left untreated, can cause serious short and long-term mental and physical health problems. Of course, the most serious is that depression increases the risk of suicide.
Below are six signs you can look for to determine if your teen could be experiencing depression.
1. Excessive Crying and Sadness
While emotions tend to run high in most teenagers, excessive crying and sadness that persist for more than two weeks could be a sign of depression.
2. Loss of Interest and Motivation
When a teen is depressed, they may have trouble concentrating and staying in positive emotions. This will cause them to lose motivation and interest in activities they once enjoyed.
3. Problems at School
The loss of concentration and motivation could also result in problems at school. Skipping school, plunging grades and a lack of participation in school and extracurricular activities are all signs that could be pointing to teen depression.
4. Changes in Weight or Eating Habits
Has your teen’s eating habits changed? Are they skipping meals or eating larger portions more frequently? Eating more or less, as well as dramatic increase or decrease in weight, is one of the signs of depression.
5. Withdrawal
Depression causes people to isolate themselves. It’s not uncommon for a depressed teen to begin to withdraw from friends and family, choosing instead to spend time alone or locked in their room. If your teen is depressed, you may notice them begin to avoid spending time with friends and loved ones.
6. Suicidal Ideation
Thoughts or expressions of death or suicide should never be taken lightly. Threats or even jokes about suicide are a cry for help from your teen. If your teen expresses thoughts of suicide, react calmly, and then seek immediate help. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
If you suspect that your teen is experiencing depression, it’s important that you seek professional help from an experienced mental health professional that specializes in treating teens. I specialized in working with teens who have anxiety often along with depression. Call me today to set up a free consultation session to discuss your needs further.
Filed Under: Depression, Parenting, Teens/Children
Low self-esteem has become an epidemic in this country, and one that negatively impacts our quality of life. Feelings of being unworthy can begin at a young age and build up over time leading to depression and anxiety for some people. Finding ways to feel better about ourselves and our abilities is important part of […]
Low self-esteem has become an epidemic in this country, and one that negatively impacts our quality of life. Feelings of being unworthy can begin at a young age and build up over time leading to depression and anxiety for some people.
Finding ways to feel better about ourselves and our abilities is important part of enjoying life. Here are 5 ways to increase your self-esteem:
Negative self-talk is a common issue for people with low self-esteem. If you’re one of those people whose inner critic is constantly beating them up, it’s important you learn to turn the volume down or change the channel. The first step is to have awareness of the negative comments and then see if you can re-frame them to neutral or positive. For example, “I’m so stupid, I never do anything right” would feel better as “math is challenging for me, so I need to give my self more time and ask for help if I need it.”
Also, work on resetting the balance on where you put your attention. We naturally tend to focus more on weaknesses, so make an effort to focus on your strengths and abilities.
We are all so unique. Sadly, instead of celebrating what makes us individuals, many of us spend time comparing ourselves to others. Then, in the areas where we find we don’t quite measure up, we feel inadequate. When you recognize that all people have strengths and weaknesses, you can stop comparing yourself to others and instead concentrate on being the best version of you that you can be.
Being human means being imperfect. We all have flaws, we are all works in progress, and that’s okay. Striving for the impossible is futile and exhausting. Even Hollywood’s A-listers are often photoshopped and many have been treated for depression and addiction. They are human and struggling like anyone else.
Stop setting yourself up for failure by trying to be perfect. Instead set attainable goals for yourself and let yourself feel successful!
Many people struggle with body image issues. Much of it is because of the perfectionism and photoshopping I just mentioned. It’s hard to love your body when you are expected to look like the people who grace the covers of magazines.
Instead of focusing on what you don’t like about your body, focus on being healthy. Be grateful for what is working and nurture you body and mind with healthy choices that make you feel good.
Social media has its good points, but it can also set unrealistic expectations regarding relationships and lifestyles. It’s important to remember that online, people tend to only post images that make their lives seem awesome, but that’s only part of the story. How many of us post the picture that made us cringe when we looked at it? Spending too much time looking at other people leading fun lives can lead us to spending less time enjoying our own.
If self-esteem issues have become a serious problem in your life, leading to anxiety and depression, consider working with a therapist who can help you work through your memories and emotions. If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help in a free initial consultation to discuss your needs.
Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, Self-Esteem
When talking about depression, a lot of people forget that depression is an illness that requires proper attention and treatment. If you’re depressed, it can be incredibly frustrating to hear things like “Just get over it”, “You’re being really dramatic”, “You have to be strong”, “Learn to deal with it”, “Happiness is a choice”. You […]
When talking about depression, a lot of people forget that depression is an illness that requires proper attention and treatment. If you’re depressed, it can be incredibly frustrating to hear things like “Just get over it”, “You’re being really dramatic”, “You have to be strong”, “Learn to deal with it”, “Happiness is a choice”. You might start to think of things like ‘Why can’t I just get over it’? We can stop ourselves from doing destructive things like putting our hand in a fire, but when it comes to depression, it’s a bit difficult to just ‘stop’. There are a number of reasons why ‘get over it’ statements like this don’t help. Here are some of the best reasons why.
Depression is real and painful. Just because you can’t see or touch it doesn’t make it any less real. If you suffer from depression or know someone who does, working with a therapist is a good start to overcoming your depression. I am available to help. Contact me to book a free consultation session.
Filed Under: Depression
Do another person’s wants and needs come before your own? Do you find yourself trying to solve the unsolvable problem of changing someone else’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors because you have accepted responsibility them? Are you constantly trying to please others even at the expense of yourself? Does setting healthy boundaries sound impossible and rejecting […]
Do another person’s wants and needs come before your own? Do you find yourself trying to solve the unsolvable problem of changing someone else’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors because you have accepted responsibility them? Are you constantly trying to please others even at the expense of yourself? Does setting healthy boundaries sound impossible and rejecting to someone you love? Are you stuck in an unhealthy relationship because you just can’t let go?
If you said “yes” to some or all of the above questions, you have some of the symptoms of co-dependency. Co-dependent people tend to look to others to tell them what they should feel, need, and act like. While most would agree that sensitivity to others is a wonderful trait, people with co-dependent tendencies take it to an extreme and are hurt because of an inability to create healthy boundaries.
So why do we need boundaries? Just like the having walls and doors in our home, boundaries separate us from the outer world and allow us to choose what gets in. They help us understand what is ours and what is someone else’s. That way you don’t have to hold responsibility for other’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and get hurt and frustrated in the process. Rather, you can be caring and supportive to others while letting go of the guilt and pressure to fix them.
While all long-term patterns take time and effort to change, there are things you can do to overcome co-dependency. Just keep in mind that there is extra challenge, because the other person or people in your life might not like or support these changes, at least at first. Just remember that the hard work is worth it to build healthier relationships with yourself and others!
1. Recognize Any Denial
The first step to change is to be honest with yourself and acknowledge the problem. Our brains are really good at justifying what we are doing or want to believe. “It’s okay if I have a second piece of pie, I had a really hard day and I’ll go for an extra long walk tomorrow.” While it can feel scary to admit to being involved in a dysfunctional relationship, honesty is the first step toward healing. Facing the problem allows you to build a better relationship dynamic or let go of people who can’t or won’t be healthy partners for you.
2. Study Your Past
The next step on your path to healing is to take a look at your family history to uncover experiences that may have contributed to your co-dependency. What were relationships like in your family of origin? What messages or events led to you to disconnect from your inner emotions? Who told you that their reality was more valid than what your inner voice told you?
This can be a difficult process and one that involves reliving childhood emotions. You may find that you feel guilty for admitting you were wounded in your formative years by people who you care about. This type of work can be difficult and is best done in a safe therapeutic relationship.
3. Detach from Unhealthy Involvements
In order to truly work on ourselves, we have to first detach from what we are obsessed with. Personal growth will require giving up the over-involvement with trying to change, control, or please someone else. While this sometimes means letting go of the relationship, it can also mean changing how we see our role in the relationship. Learning to differentiate what is ours or not ours and letting go and acknowledging we cannot fix problems that are not ours.
4. Learn Self-care
Giving up your excessive attempts to please others is a good start to healing, but learning self-care is absolutely necessary. It’s important that you first begin to become aware of your own thoughts, feelings, and needs. Then learn how to communicate them in a relationship. This may feel selfish, but try thinking of it as putting on your oxygen mask in a plane. If you put yours on first, you can help all of the people around you, if you don’t you will passed out in the isle. Self care not only makes us feel better, but it also gives us more resources to share.
5. Get Good at Saying “No”
One of the best ways you can begin to set healthy boundaries is to learn to say “no” to situations that are not healthy for you. This will feel awkward at first, but the more you do it, the easier it will become. It will also mean that when you say “yes,” you can feel good about what you have agreed to.
Seeking the guidance of a therapist will be beneficial as you work your way through these five steps. They will be able to help you safely explore your painful feelings and experiences and learn healthy ways of relating to yourself and others. If you or a loved one is co-dependent and interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today for a free initial consultation session.
Filed Under: Abuse/Neglect, Anxiety, Depression, Self-Esteem
