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Just about every family has a “black sheep”; someone who just doesn’t quite fit in. They might be always causing trouble or maybe more of a free spirit. In some cases, the “black sheep” of the family is someone with an untreated mental health issue. If you have a loved one who you believe may […]
Just about every family has a “black sheep”; someone who just doesn’t quite fit in. They might be always causing trouble or maybe more of a free spirit. In some cases, the “black sheep” of the family is someone with an untreated mental health issue. If you have a loved one who you believe may need mental health treatment, there are things you can do to try and encourage them to seek help.
You should see yourself as a type of “first responder” or first line of support for your loved one. Teachers, employers and even medical professionals that interact with your loved one aren’t as likely to see the need mental health treatment as a close friend or family member who sees them more frequently. You are in the best position to see the need and advocate for them to get help.
Early intervention is key to improving your loved one’s quality of life as quickly and easily as possible. The longer a mental illness goes untreated, the more entrenched the patterns become and the more hopeless your loved one may feel that change is possible. Intervening as early as possible will change the course of your loved one’s life, putting them on a positive trajectory.
Prepare your loved one for this conversation by letting them know that you are concerned and want to talk. Let them know you are motivated by love and that it is very important. Make sure they know you are not upset with them and it’s nothing negative or scary. Set a date and time to talk and choose a neutral location where they will be most comfortable.
Keep the conversation in the context of your relationship. Make sure they know that you love them and are concerned, not rejecting or judging them. Tell them what specific concerns you have about their behavior and how it makes you feel. Instead of vague statements like “you need help”, or “you’re acting strange” give specific examples, like “it frightened me when you were yelling the other day,” or “I’m concerned because you missed work four times in the last two weeks.” Leave diagnoses to the professionals, just tell them what you are seeing and how it is concerning you.
Your goal in talking to your loved one is to express your concerns and to ideally get them to agree to a one-time evaluation. Offer to support them in any way that would be helpful and appropriate, like making the appointment, paying for it, and/or driving them.
Talking to someone you love about seeking mental health treatment may feel difficult and awkward, but it is important. Be prepared for them to have an angry or defensive response, and if they do, try to maintain your composure and stick to the theme of your love and concern. It may take multiple attempts to get your loved one to seek help. Don’t be nagging or harassing, but do be lovingly persistent.
Most of us from a young age are taught to be kind, considerate, and compassionate toward others. However, our education rarely includes the lessons to show the same consideration to ourselves. This is even more of a deficit for individuals brought up in abusive or unloving homes. What is Self-Compassion? Self-compassion is taken from Buddhist […]
Most of us from a young age are taught to be kind, considerate, and compassionate toward others. However, our education rarely includes the lessons to show the same consideration to ourselves. This is even more of a deficit for individuals brought up in abusive or unloving homes.
Self-compassion is taken from Buddhist psychology and refers to how we can relate to ourselves with kindness and love in times of suffering. Self-compassion or self-love is NOT to be confused with arrogance or selfishness. Actually, arrogance and selfishness stem from the absence of self-love.
What does it really mean to be kind to ourselves? It means that we are mindful of being courteous, supportive, and compassionate with ourselves on a daily basis. Too many people treat themselves with harsh judgment instead of compassion.
Why is this important? Self-compassion means that we always feel like we have a friend with us. It helps us recognize our unconditional worth and value. It allows us to recognize though we may sometimes make bad decisions, we’re not bad people.
Research, over the past decade, has shown the parallel between self-care and psychological wellbeing. Those who practice self-compassion tend to have better connections with others and have higher life satisfaction overall. Self-compassion also correlates with less shame, anxiety, and depression.
Now that you know the what and why of self-compassion, let’s look at the how.
Treat Yourself as You Would a Small Child
Most of us would never harshly judge or belittle a small child the way we do ourselves. You would only want to help and love that child. When you begin to treat yourself as you would a small child, you begin to show yourself the same love, gentleness, and kindness.
Practice Mindfulness
Every minute your mind is handling millions of bits of information, though you consciously are only aware of a few of them. This is to say we all have patterns of attending to specific information that we have developed to simplify our data processing. These scripts or programs are running in our minds 24/7 to make us efficient and productive.
Many of these scripts are fear-based. They were developed early on to try to keep us out of trouble. However, some of these scripts, like the ones that tell us how “bad” or “unlovable” we are, are not really helping. The way to quiet these scripts is to become more aware of your own mind.
When you begin to have a feeling or reaction to something, stop and ask yourself what is this feeling or thought trying to tell me or warn me about? Is this a helpful response in this moment or an old program being triggered? If it’s a program, thank the program for trying to help, let it know that you have new skills with which to face this problem, and release it.
Good Will vs Good Feelings
Self-compassion is a conscious act of kindness we show ourselves when we are suffering; it’s not a way to alleviate emotional pain. Life happens, and we can’t always avoid negative or sad feelings. Never mistake self-compassion as a tool to ignore your deep and rich emotional life. Self-compassion provides comfort when you are hurting. Like rocking a colicky baby, self-compassion doesn’t make the pain go away, but it feels better to feel loved and held while we are hurting.
These are just a few ways you can begin to cultivate self-compassion. If you feel that you could use more support and tools, reach out to me today to schedule a free therapy consultation.
When we talk about our mental health, we’re not just talking about dysfunction or a clinical diagnosis. Your mental health refers to your overall psychological wellbeing. We can all benefit from caring for our mental health, just like our physical health. Life is full of unique challenges and stresses, and a healthy mental state can help […]
When we talk about our mental health, we’re not just talking about dysfunction or a clinical diagnosis. Your mental health refers to your overall psychological wellbeing. We can all benefit from caring for our mental health, just like our physical health. Life is full of unique challenges and stresses, and a healthy mental state can help you take challenges in stride and reduce your suffering.
Repeating an affirmation can help you focus on the positive and create a mental outlook that will be a driving force in your life. Use a search engine to look up “positive affirmations” and you’ll find several ideas of words and phrases. Look for one that resonates with you and things you struggle with. You can also try searching for something more specific, such as “positive affirmations for women” or “positive affirmations to improve self-esteem”.
Try repeating your phrase or phrases during meditation, either out loud or in your mind. You can also repeat your phrase to yourself throughout your day for a gentle perspective shift and internal mental health support. This practice can help you shift out of a pattern of negative self-talk and negative focus, which will greatly improve your overall mental health.
Practicing gratitude will also shift your attention to the positive aspects of your life. By focusing on what’s good, you’ll start to notice and appreciate more positive aspects of your life. Gratitude is more than just a feeling; it’s a choice to prioritize and value the good in your life. By choosing to be grateful, you also reduce the focus on negative thoughts.
Eating healthy is a vital part of positive mental and physical health. Eating a balanced diet of fruits, vegetables, lean protein, and whole grains will help you maintain stable blood sugar. This creates a consistent level of energy that won’t leave you feeling tired or sluggish or give you the temporary “sugar high” and crash. Eating healthy supports a stable mood and will also provide a mental boost because you’ll feel good about your healthy food choices.
Sunshine is a great way to boost your mood. Put on some comfortable walking shoes and take a leisurely walk around your neighborhood or a local park or even sit outside for a few minutes on your lunch break. Exposure to sunlight will help your brain release serotonin which will boost your mood, and help you feel more calm and focused.
A good night’s sleep is an essential part of a healthy lifestyle. When you’re well-rested, you’re naturally energized and have a stable base from which to maneuver the day’s ups and downs. Regular sleep also boosts your immune system as well as your cognitive and mental health.
By making some healthy additions to your daily routines, you can develop regular habits that will improve your overall mental well-being.
If you need some help getting into a good self-care routine or dealing with anxiety or depression, therapy can help. Contact me today to set up a consultation session in my office or by secure video to discuss getting started.
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders affect roughly 40 million people over the age of 18 in the United States. Although these disorders are highly treatable, only 36.9% of those with anxiety seek treatment. There are many reasons why people with anxiety suffer without seeking help, however, you don’t need […]
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders affect roughly 40 million people over the age of 18 in the United States. Although these disorders are highly treatable, only 36.9% of those with anxiety seek treatment. There are many reasons why people with anxiety suffer without seeking help, however, you don’t need to let anything stop you from starting to help yourself.
Here are some proven strategies that don’t cost a penny and take very little time. In fact, you could do any of the following strategies on your lunch or coffee break. Here are some simple ways to reduce your anxiety:
According to a study published by the Journal of Emergency Medicine, 30% of people who go to the ER with complaints of chest pain are actually suffering from a panic attack. Why is this so common?
When we are stressed or anxious, we tend to over-breathe or under-breathe which can cause dizziness and hyperventilation. Deep breathing is a powerful way to gain control over your breath and stop a panic attack. Studies show taking slow, deep breaths soothes our nervous system and increases brain activity. This makes you feel calmer and more relaxed. Try it for yourself.
One way to get your mind to settle down is to meditate and one of the easiest ways to meditate is to practice listening meditation. This is exactly what it sounds like. Sit quietly, eyes closed, and begin to listen to the ambient sounds in the room. Try to keep an attitude curiosity and try to avoid judging what you hear. What do you hear? Buzzing lights? A fan? Someone cough? Birds outside? A lawnmower? Just be aware of all the sounds and try and expand that awareness to hear as much as possible. This form of meditation is fun and effective, because you cannot possibly listen, truly listen, and think at the same time.
Nervous energy needs to go somewhere – it has to be burned. Taking a 15- minute walk around the block can be a great way to get rid of this energy while breathing deeply. As a bonus, your body releases feel-good chemicals like endorphins when you exercise. If you walk outside, you can get an extra boost by noticing nature elements which are also calming.
Yes, I am asking you on your coffee break to not drink coffee or soda. Caffeine and sugar can exacerbate anxiety by making us feel jittery and nervous. You are far better off sticking with water and a healthy snack.
I hope you will give these anxiety-busting strategies a try. If you feel they are not helping as much as you need and you would like to speak with someone, please contact my office to schedule a consultation.
Do you hate hearing, “you’re just too sensitive?” Well, maybe you are more sensitive than the average person, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing and you are not alone. It is estimated that roughly 15 to 20 percent of the population fit in to the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) category. In fact, […]
Do you hate hearing, “you’re just too sensitive?” Well, maybe you are more sensitive than the average person, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing and you are not alone. It is estimated that roughly 15 to 20 percent of the population fit in to the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) category. In fact, scientists now believe there is a gene behind this trait.
What does it mean to be highly sensitive? The HSP is generally defined as someone with “acute physical, mental, and emotional responses to external (social, environmental) or internal (intra-personal) stimuli.” So, really sensitive to everything inside and out.
Being highly sensitive can make many “normal” life situations feel awkward and uncomfortable at times. However, there are some real perks to0, so make sure you read the whole post!
If you are curious whether you may be part of the population that is highly sensitive, here are 10 signs to look for:
As I mentioned earlier, while being a HSP can cause you to feel awkward or overwhelmed at times, there are some definite perks to being highly sensitive. For starters, you are someone who can enjoy subtle sensory detail that a majority of the population misses. You’ll notice subtle shades of color and texture and feel immense pleasure at the complexities of your sensory experience with food and art.
You’re also someone people like being around because you are aware of others’ feelings, needs, and emotions. This natural empathy, makes HSPs make great teachers, managers, and leaders.
HSPs are also incredibly creative. Many artists, musicians, and famous actors are highly sensitive people who have gifted the world with their talent and insight into what it means to be human.
As you can see, if you can cope with the difficult aspects of being a highly sensitive person, you can reap some pretty great rewards.
If you or someone you love suspects they are a HSP and would like to explore treatment options to manage the challenges, please contact me to set up a consultation.
It challenging to find the time or space to meditate when parenting a young child. One solution is to have your child meditate with you. This can allow you to make time for your self care while also teaching your child valuable skills. However, you will need to make some modifications to have this be […]
It challenging to find the time or space to meditate when parenting a young child. One solution is to have your child meditate with you. This can allow you to make time for your self care while also teaching your child valuable skills. However, you will need to make some modifications to have this be a peaceful experience.
Meditating with Young Children
For children five and under, it will be difficult for them to sit still for any length of time. Even a few seconds might be the most you can expect. Adjust your expectations and try to remain flexible in your approach. Most experts agree that by six years of age, children should be able to sit still for one minute and increase by one minute per year of age. So, age six would be one minute, age seven is two minutes and so on.
Kids Will Be Kids
It’s important to be patient as you work on a meditation exercise with your child. It’s normal for children to have difficulty settling. They may not be able to keep their eyes closed, they may fidget or wiggle as they sit, and they might laugh or try to be funny because it’s awkward or difficult for them to remain still and quiet. This is completely normal, so maintain a sense of humor and take any challenges that arise in stride. It will take time to teach your child to meditate. If you’re overly strict or discipline your child too much, you will end up making this a negative interaction instead of a calming one.
Meditation Exercises for Children
You’ll want to start with a brief session and try to make it fun. I like to start with having each person hold a small river rock and close their eyes and focus on how it feels – shape, texture, differences that make each rock unique. Then open your eyes and do the same investigation with how it looks. This is a great way for children to start with mindfulness and focused attention. This rock can also become a mindfulness object that they can use for calming when they need it.
For children, guided meditations are generally the best way to teach them to meditate. There are many guided meditations available for free online that are specifically for children. You can find them through a simple Google search or by searching on YouTube. There are also apps you can use on your phone, tablet or smart TV that are also completely free. One example is Breathe, Think, Do with Sesame, an app intended for children under five which is available for the Android and iOS. Another example is Wellbeyond Meditation for Kids for iOS.
There are also classes available at some meditation centers that are specifically for children. Do a Google search for “meditation center [city, state]”, then check their online schedule or give them a call to find out if they have meditation classes for children.
If you are you a parent looking for ways to cope with balancing your needs while caring for your child, a licensed psychologist can provide the support and guidance you need. Feel free to contact me today or check out my website at www.drjodykircher.com to learn more about my approach.
Don’t you wish it was as easy to make friends today, as it was when you were a kid? Unfortunately, adult friendships often take more work to establish and maintain. Especially in the workplace, women can sometimes feel on-guard around other women and friendships can be harder to foster. Studies have found friendships, or a […]
Don’t you wish it was as easy to make friends today, as it was when you were a kid? Unfortunately, adult friendships often take more work to establish and maintain. Especially in the workplace, women can sometimes feel on-guard around other women and friendships can be harder to foster. Studies have found friendships, or a lack of friendships, has a big impact on our overall health and well-being, so it is worth the work to connect.
Here are some ways you can foster real friendships with other women at work.
Make it a Priority
It’s easy to tell yourself you’d like to make friends with the women you work with, but following up on that impulse takes real effort. The journey of friendship is one you must commit to and nurture. Ask a coworker to lunch, compliment someone on the fine job she did, and invite others into the discussions you are leading. Each day make it a priority to reach out and connect, to build closer relationships with the women you work with.
Focus on Quality Not Quantity
Not everyone has real “friend potential” and that’s okay. Depending on how many female coworkers you have, you most likely won’t be able to make real and lasting friendships with all of them. This is not a popularity contest where you try to get everyone to like you. This is about seeking out women with whom you have a connection and putting in the effort to form a lasting bond.
Expect Some Rejection
The truth is, there’s not a whole lot of difference between romantic dating and platonic “dating.” You may feel a connection with another woman at work and ask her out to lunch. She may say no and that’s okay.
Don’t let rejection stop your efforts. Just as no one at work really knows your inner life and feelings, you don’t know anyone else’s. Some women may simply be in a bad space in their life and don’t have the energy to connect with a new person. Move on and keep trying. Eventually you will make a true and lasting connection.
Keep the Momentum Going
Once you’ve had that initial lunch or get-together, keep the momentum going. Building a relationship is like building a fire. It takes a bit of work to get that kindling to catch, but once it does, the fires grows and keeps you warm.
Like anything else in life, friendships require our time and attention, but when you consider the value and meaning they bring to our life, they are worth the extra effort.
If you are struggling to connect to others due to fears of rejection or judgment, therapy can help you deal with your social anxiety and get connected. Feel free to contact me to discuss how therapy could help.
Sources:
https://psychcentral.com/news/2018/03/04/women-report-increased-discrimination-from-workplace-queen-bees/133258.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/working-btches/201308/why-are-some-women-nasty-other-women
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201605/10-ways-make-and-keep-friendships-adult
Anger is a natural and healthy emotion that everyone feels. However, it can also be overwhelming and difficult to cope with. It can feel particularly scary if you find yourself being caught off guard with unexpected anger or feeling that you are getting too angry. So, what can you do when you find yourself feeling anger […]
Anger is a natural and healthy emotion that everyone feels. However, it can also be overwhelming and difficult to cope with. It can feel particularly scary if you find yourself being caught off guard with unexpected anger or feeling that you are getting too angry.
So, what can you do when you find yourself feeling anger unexpectedly? Below are some strategies to help you keep your calm and respond appropriately.
1. Breathe and Get Some Space
As you feel the wave of emotions well up, stop and take a breath and then a few more. These deep breaths will allow you to slow your reaction and give you time to think. Also, giving yourself some space or physical distance between you and the other person will help calm your reaction.
2. Acknowledge Your Feelings
When you’re caught off guard with anger, you might start to feel defensive or emotional and not immediately know why. Pause for moment to assess your feelings. Acknowledge that you’re angry and look for the cause. Anger tends to be a protective emotion, so check to see if you, or someone you feel responsible for, is being attacked, criticized, or being treated unfairly.
3. Be Curious Instead of Furious
If you have difficulty controlling your anger, it can be all too easy to jump instantly into attack mode and unleash your anger. Instead try being curious. Consider why this person might be behaving this way, or saying these things. Try and brainstorm possible reasons, like could they have had a bad morning or heard some upsetting news?
4. It’s Not Personal
Remind yourself that this isn’t personal to you. Often, when people are behaving inappropriately or saying hurtful things, it’s because of things going on with them in their own lives. Practice reminding yourself that it’s not about you.
5. Use “I” Statements
Before responding, first consider if a response is necessary and helpful. Sometimes it’s best to just walk away. If you do need to say something, focus on the behavior you find unacceptable without placing blame. Talk specifically about your feelings and the effect of the behavior on you. I felt hurt when you commented on my parenting. By communicating without placing blame, you are more likely to be understood and work toward a resolution, rather than putting the other person on defense and starting a conflict.
If you’re still feeling upset after a difficult exchange, try calling a friend to talk it out, write your feelings down in a letter you’ll never send, or do some exercise to work off the adrenaline. You can also work through anger and other intense emotions with meditation.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by anger or emotions in general, there are many skills you can learn to help you manage them. Contact me today to schedule a consultation.
Do you find yourself often thinking and talking about “the good ol’ days?” It can be a source of great pleasure to reminisce about a time when you were younger, especially remembering a special event or activity. When looking back this way, we tend to look at our past experiences through a filter that magnifies […]
Do you find yourself often thinking and talking about “the good ol’ days?” It can be a source of great pleasure to reminisce about a time when you were younger, especially remembering a special event or activity. When looking back this way, we tend to look at our past experiences through a filter that magnifies the positive while diminishing the negative. When comparing to the present, we may see the present in the opposite way, which makes the past appear even better. While there’s no harm in basking in a memory, it can be harmful if you spend so much time looking at your past, that you neglect and devalue your present and future.
If you’re someone who spends too much time thinking about the “glory days,” you may benefit from assessing your present. Do you look back because your life has become dull and monotonous? Is there something in your present causing you anxiety and you are hiding from in thoughts of the past?
If you take a closer look and examine your life, you may be surprised to notice that you look back not because your past was so great, but rather because your present is not. Unfortunately, the more time you spend reminiscing, the worse your current life becomes. By hiding out in daydreaming of the past, you miss out on making positive changes to make the most of the present and build the future that you want.
Get Rid of Unneeded Memorabilia
Sometimes a memento represents a memory of a special time, and sometimes it’s just an object that’s imprisoning you in your past. Look around and decide which items are special remembrances that are relevant to your life now and which are trying to keep the past an active part of your present.
Volume matters here. One item is special, a whole mantle full of old trophies is a sign of being stuck. Get rid of or pack away excess items associated with the past. This will help you stop living in days gone by and free you up to make the most out of the present.
Fully Appreciate Each Day
As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” One way to stop living in the past is to enjoy and appreciate each day. Practicing mindfulness and gratitude are great ways to do this. Tune in to you current sensory experience several times a day to come fully in to the present moment. Start keeping a journal and jot down three things you’re grateful for each day. Adding three things that you are proud of yourself for will take this to an even more personal place, allowing you to appreciate your life and yourself!
Make Future Plans
Nothing can keep you from looking to the past quite like looking to the future. Plan a vacation or create goals. It might help to break down goals into parts to achieve over time and give yourself credit for each step you make towards achieving your final goal. Maybe you want to learn a new language, start playing the piano, or read all the classic novels. There’s a lot of life waiting to be lived, so make the most of it.
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with a moment of nostalgia, it’s important to live in the present. To learn to spend your time enjoying your life as you live it. You’ll not only bring yourself great happiness and satisfaction by focusing on living life today, but you’ll also create many more memories to relish in the days to come.
If you’re struggling and looking for support and guidance to create a better, more satisfying life, a licensed professional can help. Call me today to schedule a free consultation.
You know the feeling when a stressful day leaves you completely drained? Stress is known to reduce our levels of serotonin and dopamine. These neurotransmitters play an important role in our mood, energy, and motivation. After a difficult day, you might be tempted to lounge on the couch watching TV until it’s time to go […]
You know the feeling when a stressful day leaves you completely drained? Stress is known to reduce our levels of serotonin and dopamine. These neurotransmitters play an important role in our mood, energy, and motivation.
After a difficult day, you might be tempted to lounge on the couch watching TV until it’s time to go to bed. Although it might feel good in the moment, it won’t give you the mood and energy lift you need after a rough day. Here are five simple ways you can recharge yourself:
1. Unplug
After a high stress day, you need to unwind. A great option is turning off your phone for some quiet, low-stimulation time. It can be tempting to sit on the couch with your phone all night, checking emails, responding to texts, or getting lost on Facebook or Instagram. However, this keeps your mind going and doesn’t let you settle.
Unplugging gives you a chance to calm and reset. Try keeping your phone out of arm’s reach (even better in another room) once you get home. On really stressful days, try to set it away from you when you get home and not to touch it again until after you’ve had a good night’s rest.
2. Go Outside
If the sun is still out after your rough day, put on your comfy shoes and go for a quick walk. Exposure to the sunlight will help your brain release serotonin, which will boost your mood and help you feel calm and focused. Exercise is also one of the best ways you can improve your mood, helping you relieve stress and sleep better at night. Even if the sun is down, a walk outside will still help, as the exercise and fresh air will help you feel invigorated.
3. Refresh Yourself
After a tough day, take the time to refresh yourself by taking a quick “cat nap.” Keep it under 45-minutes and it should not interfere with getting to sleep at night. A meditation of 5-20 minutes can be a great quick fix. Use your phone to find a guided meditation on YouTube or play some relaxing music while you meditate quietly.
You can also pamper yourself with a bubble bath or perk up with a quick shower. These will work best if you really focus on being in the moment. Tune in to your senses – the feeling of the water, the sound of the shower, and the smell of your body wash or shampoo.
4. Eat Healthy
A healthy dinner or snack is just the thing after a rough day. Avoid heavy comfort foods that will leave you feeling sluggish. Instead, nurture and fuel your body with protein, fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. These foods will slowly release energy, giving you stable food sugar and a mental boost. You will also benefit from the good feeling of making a healthy choice.
5. Make Plans
Looking forward to something is a great way to boost your mood long-term. Plan a vacation, a weekend getaway, or just a day trip. Even planning a special meal, or a visit to restaurant, will help energize you.
Is stress causing you to feel tired, anxious, or depressed? Call me today to schedule a free consultation session and get your energy back!