My WordPress Blog
Don’t you wish it was as easy to make friends today, as it was when you were a kid? Unfortunately, adult friendships often take more work to establish and maintain. Especially in the workplace, women can sometimes feel on-guard around other women and friendships can be harder to foster. Studies have found friendships, or a […]
Don’t you wish it was as easy to make friends today, as it was when you were a kid? Unfortunately, adult friendships often take more work to establish and maintain. Especially in the workplace, women can sometimes feel on-guard around other women and friendships can be harder to foster. Studies have found friendships, or a lack of friendships, has a big impact on our overall health and well-being, so it is worth the work to connect.
Here are some ways you can foster real friendships with other women at work.
Make it a Priority
It’s easy to tell yourself you’d like to make friends with the women you work with, but following up on that impulse takes real effort. The journey of friendship is one you must commit to and nurture. Ask a coworker to lunch, compliment someone on the fine job she did, and invite others into the discussions you are leading. Each day make it a priority to reach out and connect, to build closer relationships with the women you work with.
Focus on Quality Not Quantity
Not everyone has real “friend potential” and that’s okay. Depending on how many female coworkers you have, you most likely won’t be able to make real and lasting friendships with all of them. This is not a popularity contest where you try to get everyone to like you. This is about seeking out women with whom you have a connection and putting in the effort to form a lasting bond.
Expect Some Rejection
The truth is, there’s not a whole lot of difference between romantic dating and platonic “dating.” You may feel a connection with another woman at work and ask her out to lunch. She may say no and that’s okay.
Don’t let rejection stop your efforts. Just as no one at work really knows your inner life and feelings, you don’t know anyone else’s. Some women may simply be in a bad space in their life and don’t have the energy to connect with a new person. Move on and keep trying. Eventually you will make a true and lasting connection.
Keep the Momentum Going
Once you’ve had that initial lunch or get-together, keep the momentum going. Building a relationship is like building a fire. It takes a bit of work to get that kindling to catch, but once it does, the fires grows and keeps you warm.
Like anything else in life, friendships require our time and attention, but when you consider the value and meaning they bring to our life, they are worth the extra effort.
If you are struggling to connect to others due to fears of rejection or judgment, therapy can help you deal with your social anxiety and get connected. Feel free to contact me to discuss how therapy could help.
Sources:
https://psychcentral.com/news/2018/03/04/women-report-increased-discrimination-from-workplace-queen-bees/133258.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/working-btches/201308/why-are-some-women-nasty-other-women
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201605/10-ways-make-and-keep-friendships-adult
Anger is a natural and healthy emotion that everyone feels. However, it can also be overwhelming and difficult to cope with. It can feel particularly scary if you find yourself being caught off guard with unexpected anger or feeling that you are getting too angry. So, what can you do when you find yourself feeling anger […]
Anger is a natural and healthy emotion that everyone feels. However, it can also be overwhelming and difficult to cope with. It can feel particularly scary if you find yourself being caught off guard with unexpected anger or feeling that you are getting too angry.
So, what can you do when you find yourself feeling anger unexpectedly? Below are some strategies to help you keep your calm and respond appropriately.
1. Breathe and Get Some Space
As you feel the wave of emotions well up, stop and take a breath and then a few more. These deep breaths will allow you to slow your reaction and give you time to think. Also, giving yourself some space or physical distance between you and the other person will help calm your reaction.
2. Acknowledge Your Feelings
When you’re caught off guard with anger, you might start to feel defensive or emotional and not immediately know why. Pause for moment to assess your feelings. Acknowledge that you’re angry and look for the cause. Anger tends to be a protective emotion, so check to see if you, or someone you feel responsible for, is being attacked, criticized, or being treated unfairly.
3. Be Curious Instead of Furious
If you have difficulty controlling your anger, it can be all too easy to jump instantly into attack mode and unleash your anger. Instead try being curious. Consider why this person might be behaving this way, or saying these things. Try and brainstorm possible reasons, like could they have had a bad morning or heard some upsetting news?
4. It’s Not Personal
Remind yourself that this isn’t personal to you. Often, when people are behaving inappropriately or saying hurtful things, it’s because of things going on with them in their own lives. Practice reminding yourself that it’s not about you.
5. Use “I” Statements
Before responding, first consider if a response is necessary and helpful. Sometimes it’s best to just walk away. If you do need to say something, focus on the behavior you find unacceptable without placing blame. Talk specifically about your feelings and the effect of the behavior on you. I felt hurt when you commented on my parenting. By communicating without placing blame, you are more likely to be understood and work toward a resolution, rather than putting the other person on defense and starting a conflict.
If you’re still feeling upset after a difficult exchange, try calling a friend to talk it out, write your feelings down in a letter you’ll never send, or do some exercise to work off the adrenaline. You can also work through anger and other intense emotions with meditation.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by anger or emotions in general, there are many skills you can learn to help you manage them. Contact me today to schedule a consultation.
Do you find yourself often thinking and talking about “the good ol’ days?” It can be a source of great pleasure to reminisce about a time when you were younger, especially remembering a special event or activity. When looking back this way, we tend to look at our past experiences through a filter that magnifies […]
Do you find yourself often thinking and talking about “the good ol’ days?” It can be a source of great pleasure to reminisce about a time when you were younger, especially remembering a special event or activity. When looking back this way, we tend to look at our past experiences through a filter that magnifies the positive while diminishing the negative. When comparing to the present, we may see the present in the opposite way, which makes the past appear even better. While there’s no harm in basking in a memory, it can be harmful if you spend so much time looking at your past, that you neglect and devalue your present and future.
If you’re someone who spends too much time thinking about the “glory days,” you may benefit from assessing your present. Do you look back because your life has become dull and monotonous? Is there something in your present causing you anxiety and you are hiding from in thoughts of the past?
If you take a closer look and examine your life, you may be surprised to notice that you look back not because your past was so great, but rather because your present is not. Unfortunately, the more time you spend reminiscing, the worse your current life becomes. By hiding out in daydreaming of the past, you miss out on making positive changes to make the most of the present and build the future that you want.
Get Rid of Unneeded Memorabilia
Sometimes a memento represents a memory of a special time, and sometimes it’s just an object that’s imprisoning you in your past. Look around and decide which items are special remembrances that are relevant to your life now and which are trying to keep the past an active part of your present.
Volume matters here. One item is special, a whole mantle full of old trophies is a sign of being stuck. Get rid of or pack away excess items associated with the past. This will help you stop living in days gone by and free you up to make the most out of the present.
Fully Appreciate Each Day
As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” One way to stop living in the past is to enjoy and appreciate each day. Practicing mindfulness and gratitude are great ways to do this. Tune in to you current sensory experience several times a day to come fully in to the present moment. Start keeping a journal and jot down three things you’re grateful for each day. Adding three things that you are proud of yourself for will take this to an even more personal place, allowing you to appreciate your life and yourself!
Make Future Plans
Nothing can keep you from looking to the past quite like looking to the future. Plan a vacation or create goals. It might help to break down goals into parts to achieve over time and give yourself credit for each step you make towards achieving your final goal. Maybe you want to learn a new language, start playing the piano, or read all the classic novels. There’s a lot of life waiting to be lived, so make the most of it.
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with a moment of nostalgia, it’s important to live in the present. To learn to spend your time enjoying your life as you live it. You’ll not only bring yourself great happiness and satisfaction by focusing on living life today, but you’ll also create many more memories to relish in the days to come.
If you’re struggling and looking for support and guidance to create a better, more satisfying life, a licensed professional can help. Call me today to schedule a free consultation.
You know the feeling when a stressful day leaves you completely drained? Stress is known to reduce our levels of serotonin and dopamine. These neurotransmitters play an important role in our mood, energy, and motivation. After a difficult day, you might be tempted to lounge on the couch watching TV until it’s time to go […]
You know the feeling when a stressful day leaves you completely drained? Stress is known to reduce our levels of serotonin and dopamine. These neurotransmitters play an important role in our mood, energy, and motivation.
After a difficult day, you might be tempted to lounge on the couch watching TV until it’s time to go to bed. Although it might feel good in the moment, it won’t give you the mood and energy lift you need after a rough day. Here are five simple ways you can recharge yourself:
1. Unplug
After a high stress day, you need to unwind. A great option is turning off your phone for some quiet, low-stimulation time. It can be tempting to sit on the couch with your phone all night, checking emails, responding to texts, or getting lost on Facebook or Instagram. However, this keeps your mind going and doesn’t let you settle.
Unplugging gives you a chance to calm and reset. Try keeping your phone out of arm’s reach (even better in another room) once you get home. On really stressful days, try to set it away from you when you get home and not to touch it again until after you’ve had a good night’s rest.
2. Go Outside
If the sun is still out after your rough day, put on your comfy shoes and go for a quick walk. Exposure to the sunlight will help your brain release serotonin, which will boost your mood and help you feel calm and focused. Exercise is also one of the best ways you can improve your mood, helping you relieve stress and sleep better at night. Even if the sun is down, a walk outside will still help, as the exercise and fresh air will help you feel invigorated.
3. Refresh Yourself
After a tough day, take the time to refresh yourself by taking a quick “cat nap.” Keep it under 45-minutes and it should not interfere with getting to sleep at night. A meditation of 5-20 minutes can be a great quick fix. Use your phone to find a guided meditation on YouTube or play some relaxing music while you meditate quietly.
You can also pamper yourself with a bubble bath or perk up with a quick shower. These will work best if you really focus on being in the moment. Tune in to your senses – the feeling of the water, the sound of the shower, and the smell of your body wash or shampoo.
4. Eat Healthy
A healthy dinner or snack is just the thing after a rough day. Avoid heavy comfort foods that will leave you feeling sluggish. Instead, nurture and fuel your body with protein, fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. These foods will slowly release energy, giving you stable food sugar and a mental boost. You will also benefit from the good feeling of making a healthy choice.
5. Make Plans
Looking forward to something is a great way to boost your mood long-term. Plan a vacation, a weekend getaway, or just a day trip. Even planning a special meal, or a visit to restaurant, will help energize you.
Is stress causing you to feel tired, anxious, or depressed? Call me today to schedule a free consultation session and get your energy back!
We fear the unknown, which is often why people initially shy away from starting therapy. It can be intimidating walking into a therapist’s office, for the very first time, not knowing what to expect. On the flip side, some people assume they know everything about therapy and then are then quite surprised when they start. Although therapy […]
We fear the unknown, which is often why people initially shy away from starting therapy. It can be intimidating walking into a therapist’s office, for the very first time, not knowing what to expect.
On the flip side, some people assume they know everything about therapy and then are then quite surprised when they start.
Although therapy is not as stigmatized as it once was, it is still not talked about in most social circles, so many people have the wrong ideas about it. If you’ve been considering seeking help from a mental health professional, you may have some questions as well.
With that in mind, here is what no one tells you about therapy – but should!
It’s Not Like on TV
Pop culture would have you believe the minute you step foot into a therapist’s office, he or she will have you looking at Rorschach tests and talking about your dreams within minutes.
While these approaches can be used in therapy, they often are not. Dream interpretation can come up, but typically only if the client wants to discuss an interesting or disturbing dream they had.
Also, many people think the entire session is devoted to discussing your early childhood years and the effect your parents have had on your life. While many therapists will want to get a history on you to uncover specific behavioral patterns and emotional memories that have helped wire the brain, the idea of therapy is NOT to blame your parents for all of your current troubles.
You Won’t Feel Better Immediately
Though the end goal of therapy is to create better habits and behaviors that lead to creating a happy and fulfilling life, the process of getting there will sometimes be uncomfortable. It is unrealistic to expect you will feel better immediately. Therapy takes time and commitment.
You Have to Want to Change
You can seek advice from a nutritionist and personal trainer who will give you the tools to get fit and healthy. But if you don’t take their advice and you don’t do the work, you won’t see results.
The same is true for therapy. Your therapist will be gentle and kind and go at a pace that feels comfortable for you, but ultimately you have to want to get better. It takes work from you to get there with a willingness to face your own thoughts and behaviors, recognize the patterns, and make healthier choices. Don’t worry, your therapist will be there with you every step of the way, supporting you.
Therapy isn’t magic, but it does provide you with the tools for lasting change.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today to schedule a free consultation session.